I went on a sort of date with a nice guy recently, who is a network maintenance IT dude. I told him I have a masters in library and information studies (pls to be noting the bolded part) and as well, I work in an information tech field. At one point during the evening, he asked me 1) if I knew what the American Library Association is, and 2) why I consider myself a librarian; both of these before he proceeded to explain the technology and software needs of libraries in extremely basic terms. Because, maybe, I skipped that part of my career development?
Just recently, I had a friend who has known me for years, knows that I have worked off and on in IT and website development since 1995, and knows that my fucking JOB TITLE is “Assistive Technology Coordinator” decided to explain to me why Windows is a pain-in-the-ass operating system. In case, maybe, I’ve never run across Windows before? (spoiler alert: I have.)
Also, the next door neighbor guy who built my new utility cabinet took my carefully crafted and exactly measured plans and just…ignored them. I kind of got what I wanted, it’s serviceable, but he made a decision about the design based on his lack of knowledge of the materials and his assumption that I don’t have a clue as to what the hell I’m talking about. Yeah, I haven’t done drafting in 20+ years, sure, but you know, wood is kind of a constant. I know about structural tension. I knew exactly how that piece was supposed to go together, hold together, and function, but he assumed I didn’t and so did something completely different, basically throwing away three pages of very detailed measurements and instructions. It now weighs approx. twice what it needed to. *sigh*
These guys don’t think I am stupid. They certainly are not stupid, themselves. One of them is a close friend who is very dear to me. But I think it’s just, well, when it comes down to it, it’s nearly impossible for men to assume that the woman they are talking to knows anything about anything. Or something.
I’m a little pissed off if you can’t tell. I don’t generally express anger publicly as I find it does little to solve problems I have to deal with, and I really try not to generalize to “every” and “all.” We’re all individuals here, yada yada yada.
But I’m just fucking tired of always having to defend myself to men, especially men who should know better, and always having to go “but no, really, pay attention to what I am saying.” The only way that works is to treat them like they are toddlers, because if you don’t look them directly in the eye and say very firmly, “listen to me” then they just won’t. And since most women are uncomfortable doing that, the ones who do (like me) are left feeling like jerks and being treated like are emotionally unbalanced and possibly dangerous. WTF.
In point of fact, I am totally overly emotional right now. Specifically those emotions are called tired and pissed off. Mostly tired though. Because I’m 48 and I’ve been talked down to in IT circles since, well, approximately 1990; and I still have male friends who feel they have to explain Wonder Woman to me; and work colleagues who decide to tell me how permissions work on the SharePoint site I FUCKING BUILT.
Yeah yeah yeah, #notallmen. Just, you know, I haven’t MET those other men yet.
FTR: The close friend who was ranting to me about Windows apologized, because he’s a true mensch. <3 I know that sometimes we all do the habitual thing, and what really matters is how we try to recover.
The other dudes continue to remain clueless, quelle surprise.