I am, overall, not a person with “steel core.” I have, like, “steel scaffolding” at best. I’m certainly not armor plated either.
Which means, all this shit gets to me. You can use the word “trigger” or simply “upset” but whatever, I am exhausted emotionally by this national farce called an election.
Why? Because it’s dredged up a necessary conversation about racism, sexism, sexual assault, sexual predation, rape, rape culture, etc. And that’s great, it really is. I’ve tried to participate, speak up, fight the good fight. Be a spokesperson, be an ally. It is truly a necessary conversation.
It’s endless heartbreak, though. The stories being shared are exhausting. The anger is exhausting. The ongoing resistance to change is exhausting.
The lack of compassion for victims astounds me. Whether it is a woman who was raped by a powerful man, or a black man who was shot dead by a scared cop, or a refugee family desperately trying to house and feed their children — where is the compassion?
Myself — as a victim of rape, having dealt with sexual harassment a lot throughout my life, lived in poverty, and even been bullied for being fat — I’m just unable to deal with things right now. I need to show myself some compassion, maybe bang out the dents in my steel framework.
Retreat is a privilege and I know that, but I’m retreating nonetheless.