A few days ago, a friend and I talked about what we would do if we could do anything.
I asked the question from a pragmatic standpoint, not wish fulfillment. I mean, who doesn’t want to be a space pirate, amirite? But that aside, what would you do, given your age and health and experience? Given the givens, what is your dream job?
For me, as a fat 48 year old woman with a wonky back whose strongest skill set is writing, well, it’s easy for me to answer this question: I would be writer of popular stories, making enough money from my books to support me, my dog, and my hobbies of fine art and dancing. Maybe do some travelling.
To be honest, I never really had a “dream job” goal as a young woman, even in college. I simply floated along with whatever seemed like a good idea at the time. That’s because when I was 16, I realized I was never going to be a movie director and from that point on I just stopped bothering — I joke about it now but thinking back on it, that really was the turning point from “youthful aspiration” to “laissez-faire.” It wasn’t that I didn’t understand the value of aiming high, it was that I didn’t have any aim.
The place I am in now is a result of my own inability to “think big,” combined with my congenital lack of self-confidence. So here I am, a writer and sometimes artist, with a degree in Library Studies and a decent job…and wondering if now is the time to “think big(ish).” Because let’s be honest, my dream job is doable. If this is me thinking big, I’ve got pretty slim aspirations, and maybe that works in my favor.
Of course, to make this happen, I have to keep writing, and doing more than I am now. Maybe I should really treat this like an actual goal, rather than an idle fantasy.
In that spirit I’m putting this down, officially. I’ve talked about it obliquely before, I’ve made reference to the idea of supporting myself with my writing, and I’ve been honest about my dreams with close friends. However I’ve never really owned up to the fact that this is not only my dream but that this is what I fully intend to make happen in my life:
To support myself with my fiction writing, so that I may also have time for the other things I love to do.
Morning pages update #1: I did it! I got in 15 minutes of sketching this morning, in between walking the dog and getting dressed for work. It was…depressing, but necessary. Ugh. So far to go.