I once worked a shitty job with a woman who was an out-of-work model. That’s very literally the case, this is not me being poetically descriptive: she was a model who was in between jobs and was temping with the rest of us. She was beautiful, built like a gazelle, tall and graceful — although I don’t know exactly how tall she was because she always wore stiletto heels. She towered over 6 feet the whole time I knew her. Super thin, and super nice too. I always enjoyed being in her company because she had a wicked sense of humor, but what I remember best about her was that she was addicted to fast food. Now, this was a girl who was easily almost six feet tall (without heels) who probably weighed a hundred and ten pounds, if that. She was built like delicate spun glass, and every day for lunch she would eat two Burger King Whoppers, sometimes supplemented with a McDonald’s Big Mac. Yes, with fries. She would eat nearly the same meal for dinner. She loved fast food, and she admitted it. She was always eating fast food breakfasts like McGriddles or sometimes she walked in with that huge tray of fake pancakes and crap that comes from McDonald’s, cover it in maple-flavored sugar syrup and eat it. Before having her beloved Whoppers for lunch.
She also never exercised. Those of us she worked with, who were most of us older and heavier, always talked about the diet we were on and the exercise we would try to get into our day — how difficult it was for us to wake up early, or which gym was the most accepting, and all those other factors that fat women have to consider when we are trying to think about shoehorning exercise into our schedule. She would laugh at us. The most exercise she ever got, and she said this herself, was walking up the front stairs in the office in her heels. She hated exercise so unless it was dancing at the club or having sex, she didn’t do it. And yet there she was: early twenties, absolutely gorgeous, probably 15% body fat. She had nothing on her by way of “thick”.
If you ask people, “why is she thin?” you get the answer of “oh well, she must have a really high metabolism!”
I’m like, no shit are you fucking kidding me? Of course she has a really high metabolism! That’s obvious! She’s thin as a rail and, to quote my Poppa, eats like a pig in heat!
But nobody, and especially not the medical community, ever went The Next Step: why does she have a high metabolism?
As a fat woman, that question haunts me. What is the difference? What is the trick, what is the magic, what is the hormone, what is the chemical breakdown? What is the difference between her being incredibly thin despite eating a diet of mostly fake food that’s high in fat and sugar and preservatives, and me? I can eat a super low calorie diet or a super low fat diet or a super low carb diet and barely lose any weight at all and always gain it back. Why?
Why was she so thin?????
Science can’t answer that. The reason science can’t answer that is because they haven’t studied it much it all. But scientists have not looked at why thin people are thin because of this belief that they know why fat people are fat, which is because they eat too much and they don’t exercise enough. That might be true for a portion of fat people — I have known a few such individuals in life, but honestly, very few fit that description. The majority? No, that’s not true, and anybody who’s hung out with fat people, whether it’s at Weight Watchers or the gym or just their current group of friends, can tell you that’s not true.
They’ve taken this little gem of misinformation called “eat less, exercise more” and built an entire industry around it. If you think nutritional science isn’t influenced by the diet industry and by money, then you are delusional because it totally is. I will include links at the bottom of this post to books and other articles that can show you exactly why you’re wrong.
Even just having the need to write this post is part of why I’m mad. I have to convince everyone I know that I, KimBoo York, 48 years old, do not want to be fat. I have to convince you that this is not a choice I made. I have to insist that I have tried every diet known to man to people who believe diets work. I have to explain that exercising to lose weight is only effective if I work out 2+ hours a day to the point of collapse. I have to state clearly that I’m the victim of an eating disorder because of all that dieting. I have to justify every fucking bite of food that goes into my mouth because even my closest friends, near and far, believe that I somehow did this to myself on purpose. Why else would I be fat, after all? If the reason is simply that I eat too much and do not exercise enough, then clearly, I’m this way because either I’m lazy or I like being fat.
I have never, ever wanted to be fat. I do not want to be fat now. I have done actual damage to myself trying to be “not fat.” I am 100% not down with body acceptance when it comes to my own body. I hate what I have and would trade it in faster than a hot knife through butter if I could. There is nothing about this body I would keep. Nothing. Hell I don’t even need a younger model, I’ll take the 48 year old version as long as it’s healthy, around 5’6” and 130 pounds. I mean, 5’8” and 130 would be better, tbh. *sighhh*
But still in society I bear the brunt of being mocked, derided, and condemned for having this body, not just because it is deemed de facto ugly but because it is taken as given that I deserve it because I’m lazy and gluttonous.
And here is the clencher: that’s not true, but no one cares. No one gives a flat god damn about the fact that diets don’t work, that people always gain the weight back, that exercise does not actually contribute to fat loss. All of those statements? SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN. They are true. There is no “but…” to that. Nope. Facts. Those are facts. Period. No argument. None. FACTS.
People don’t want to hear it, they don’t want to lose their precious myth – thin people enjoy feeling superior about it (they all do, every single one of you, don’t even front, I’ve heard you brag) and fat people desperately hope that such a simple answer MUST be true because quite simply there is no other answer available.
We have nothing. Science has done zilch for us, as a whole, so if that “eat less, exercise more” magic isn’t so magical after all, we’ve got nothing else to try…except crazy fad diets and useless supplements, of course. The diet industry is there for us when all other hope fades, no matter how absurd their claims. We buy it because we have nothing else.
The closest we’ve come to a medically proven diet for fat loss is, ironically, low-carb/ketogenic diets, but again, those only work long-term for people who do not have existing metabolic issues carried over from previous dieting attempts. Story time: the last time I went low-carb, I went full ketogenic, and while I felt great (really, I felt amazing!) I found it hard to maintain in our carb-soaked culture and also, I lost only about two pounds a month. That was my reward for an incredibly strict eating regimen, one that most naturally-thin people wouldn’t last a week on…I lasted four months.
Of course, telling anyone that results in a slew of “concerned doubt” – did I count carbs accurately? Was I really in ketosis? Did I overeat? Did I not drink enough water? Never is the assumption that the diet isn’t actually effective, no, it’s that I did something to undermine it.
Same with low calorie diets, and low-fat diets, honestly: did I cheat? Did I weigh every ounce of food I ate? Did I fail to track calories/grams? What did I do wrong????
Never is the assumption that I tried my best. Never is the assumption that being hungry 24/7 is a form of torture. Never is the assumption that my body is resisting being damaged. Never.
Recently, scientists have started looking at thin people, even outliers, to try and figure out what is going on. They are only now beginning to even grasp that the gut biome is a huge player when it comes to appetite, cravings, hunger, and fat storage. They are only now really looking at the role hormones have, too. In short, as the evidence mounts that “eat less, exercise more” is total fake-science bunk, they have had no choice but to go back to the drawing board.
Which is the same place they should have started at 60+ years ago. But that’s too late for me. I’m fat and will remain so, which I hate and loathe, but cannot change without doing further damage to myself. I see people side-eyeing me when I’m at restaurants, I put up with friends who bitch and moan about putting on 10, 15 pounds like it’s some kind of body-horror nightmare, I get glanced over in public if acknowledged at all. I’ve given up on dating, or finding a romantic partner, because I just don’t want to deal with the trauma of “dating while fat.” No thanks.
I want to scream at the world, “You did this!” Because you did – collectively, we all did. We keep buying into the alluring idea that being thin is just a diet away, that being thin reflects moral superiority, that being thin allows us to be human.
I know that’s not true, and yet, deep down, I still believe it too. And that is what makes me angriest of all.
Links:
- The Thin Gene at NY Times – studying outliers to piece together the whole picture
- The epidemiology of overweight and obesity: public health crisis or moral panic? – article in the Journal of Epidemiology .
- The Big Fat Surprise – investigative book focusing on the corruption of the “nutrition” industry.
- Is the Obesity Crisis hiding a Bigger Problem? – very accessible overview of the obesity crisis by Dr. Attia.
…and there is more. Lots more. If you are willing to look past fad diets and outmoded thinking, you’ll find it.