Another pseudo-Friday for me! Whew. I’m ready for it. Work has not been challenging but it was a stressful week, as another person in our office just resigned. Her last day is actually going to be before mine! Everyone is in a very low-key uproar and I’m over it.
But! Keely is as always adorable. Here she is staring me down for a treat the other night, haloed like the saint she is!
This morning’s walk was quiet and little bit late. I stayed up wayyy past my bedtime reading a brilliant fic which is a Star Trek: the Original Show and M*A*S*H fusion. You read that right. I can barely put it down! It’s captured all of the characters perfectly and the plot is really interesting! It focuses a lot on Radar who was always my fave character on M*A*SH, and given him a very touching friendship with Spock. This is why I love fanfic, friends: the endless well of creative vision which brings these beloved characters alive for me!
…alas, at the cost of keeping me up late. Ooops?
I’m obviously writing this from the desk at my day!job office, and as I walked in this morning, I thought, “I never belonged here.” That’s a fairly strong, not-happy feeling to experience, and yet, it is so true. This was always meant to be a stop-gap measure for me. I was talking about it with KimM over the weekend, as we discussed good vs. bad decisions we’ve made in our lives, and she did bring up a good point in that sometimes, the best decision is the one you made because so many factors surrounding it were essentially out of your control. Certainly, I can look at taking this job in 2013 through that lens, having just gone through a divorce, a job loss, grad school, and a severe health condition (whooping cough, damaged spine). I am not mad I took this job, and I have a lot of compassion for the person I was who made that decision. Was it the “best” choice? Was it a mistake? Was it the “best mistake” I could make at the time? I think it was. As the saying goes, “I ain’t mad about it, just disappointed.”
But it’s not the decision I regret. That one was earlier, right at the start of 2012. It too was made for similar reasons but I do not give myself much forgiveness for that one. What’s the difference? It’s that in 2012 I made a “smart” decision that was in direct conflict with my true self. I basically betrayed myself, and for all the “right” reasons.
I’ve done that only a few times in life…two, maybe three? *squints into the past like looking through a crystal ball* I am not doing it again, not if I have the chance to do things differently.