dawn at Lake Ella

6/14/2020 – Sunday

Still very pleasant this morning — not “cool” but not oppressively hot either, and a nice breeze to stir the air a little.

I’m a little groggy because yesterday I got a severe headache late in the afternoon that I think messed with my sleep schedule. I keep pondering going back to bed for a nap but that is something I have a hard time allowing myself to do. So. Here I am.

Keely enjoyed the return to a longer walk, with us taking the back way over to 3rd Ave. and then up Duval to the Publix plaza. I think my feet are finally accustomed to my Xero sandals, as I can wear them for longer walks now without being foot-sore afterwards. Meaning, mostly, that I’m not heel-striking as much as I used to do and that the balls of my feet have thickened up. I don’t think I’ve worn “real” shoes outside of short walks in sneakers since the WFH order happened back in March, and my feet feel great.

As I walk the same paths we’ve forged for the last four years, I ponder on the idea of “self as habit.” The old saws are that “you are what you repeatedly do” and that “excellence is not an act, it is a habit”, but then it is hard to change if, indeed, what you are and what you are excellent at are not what/who you want to be. We automatically follow the grooves of our brain patterns like vinyl records played on the turntable, and that is who we are.

I’ve tried to change myself so many times over the five decades of my life, and been successful…rarely. I wonder if it is the habits or the self-perception the habits enforce that hold me back. That is, do we have to loose our sense of identity in order to change our habits, or is the act of changing our habits enough to force a new self?