Today I thought it was Sunday and I was right! *pumps fist in triumph*
Yesterday…was not a good day. Headaches and a small anxiety attack kept me at home and in bed for most of the day. Did not do self-care beyond that, but sometimes, retreat is what is called for and is enough. I’m feeling much better this morning. My love and appreciation to those friends who reached out to me with concern and offers of help.
This morning I slept in again — this is becoming a dangerous habit! — so we were out by around 8 am, when the sun was cresting over the tallest pines. Summer is incoming, I can tell by this alone if the warmer weather drenched in humidity wasn’t already a big hint. Winter was rough for all of us, and I doubt summer will be better. I am going to miss not having a car this year more than I ever have before.
Anyway, we took the long walk that circled up to the Publix plaza and I found this little urban garden back behind the building, which I assume has been done by people who work at Siam Sushi, but it might be the liquor store staff? A mystery!
It’s new, though, so I doubt the owners have done it. It has that scrappy “on a shoe string” feel to it and honestly I do not know what any of the plants are but it was so adorable and grungy and PUNK that I had to take a photo.
Thinking a lot about change and reality and self-perception. I am tired of who I am which is something I’ve been saying since I was a teenager, and yet…change requires letting go of the past, and that seems like something I am indisposed to do. We are the past we have lived through, that is how we define ourselves. But the past is gone, slipping away every moment whether we acknowledge it or not. This essay is the past. Who am I now, though? The past I cling to, mostly.
Any mystic will tell you though that letting go of ego is the only true path to self discovery. Hm.