“The pleasures of knowing one’s own mind and not caring what most other people think.”
ClaireM actually left me two prompts, and I’ll do the other one eventually, but this one I think is topical to my life right now. Why? Because this is where I’m headed; I’m not there yet, but it’s a learning process, or I should say, an unlearning process.
Unlearning the fear of rejection.
Unlearning the pain of never being good enough.
Unlearning the rules placed on my body, my mind, my soul.
Unlearning insecurity.
Unlearning shame.
Unlearning guilt.
I think part of our need for acceptance and approval is very tribal, a systems process in our firmware lizard-brain that we cannot shut down. It’s tied in with our need to be loved and our determination to survive. It’s all very primal, and fighting that is a losing battle.
But the other part is the culture we are raised in and are immersed in as adults–definitions of beauty, success, wealth, happiness that shape our consciousness. To not fit the ideals we have been given is considered a catastrophic failure of self-actualization…not true, at all, but it bolsters the status quo.
The process of knowing one’s own mind, then, is hardly easy. It comes more naturally for some, but all the same, learning to be at peace with our own opinions, looks, behaviors, and boundaries is something most of us learn by trial and error long after we have gotten old enough to vote.
This is the advantage of age, though: experience. There is nothing that can stand in for it, no level of enlightenment that can replace it. At this stage of my life, where I am graying and aching and going on 50, I can look back over my choices and feel which ones resonate with me, as opposed to those that were forced (by me or upon me).
The pleasure of knowing my own mind is peace of mind. I am not going to make mistakes anymore, not because I’m perfect, but because I make decisions based on a holistic and highly respected understanding of who I am. Even if my choices don’t end up putting me where I thought I would be, they won’t be mistakes, just detours.
Of course I still care what people think of me, but I’m more selective about that — what do my friends think of me? My family? My dog? I value the opinions of the people I value, not the randos who decide to try and judge me.
I think Eleanor Roosevelt’s observation is the best explanation of this state of mind:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”