I once worked with a very conservative woman, a Christian in some protestant denomination, who liked to bring food into the office to feed everybody and was unflagging in her generosity and kindness. She was the boss of my boss and a bit older then me, so I always treated her with a certain deferential respect, but it was a very collegial office overall and we got along well.
One day we were talking and I brought up the fact that my mother had been a feminist. I thought it was implied that I considered myself a feminist as well.
To my surprise, the conversation went like this:
Her: You poor thing!
Me: *totally confused* What?
Her: Your mother was a feminist? That’s awful.
Me: *blinking in shock* Uh, no? I consider myself a feminist too. I am proud she was a feminist, especially in the era she grew up in.
Her: Well, that’s too bad. I would never want to be a feminist.
Me: You…you don’t think women deserve equal rights?
Her: Oh yes! Of course. My daughters deserve every opportunity they get. Women are strong and deserve an equal place in society!
Me: *more confused* But that…that makes you a feminist? I’m pretty sure that makes you a feminist.
Her: No! I do not want to have to burn my bra and hate men. I love my husband! He is the head of our household. Those feminists, they are terrible.
Me: I am here wearing a bra. I love my husband. *flashes wedding band, as I was still married at the time* I am also a feminist.
Her: *shaking her head at me sadly* You are different.
Me: Yes, because I am a feminist, not in spite of it. I am a feminist and I am standing here telling you what being a feminist means. We believe in equal rights for everyone. We do not burn bras or hate men.
Her: *still shaking her head, pity in her eyes* Don’t say such things! You are a good person, you are not a feminist!
With that, she turned and walked away.
At the time I felt like a jenga puzzle whose last stable piece has been knocked out. I would have had no issues with her claiming not to be a feminist, knowing that she came from a very conservative faith tradition. But for her to stand there and tell me, an actual feminist, what feminism means and how feminists behave, was shocking and I was to stunned to even react. There was absolutely nowhere to take the discussion, anyway. I was wrong no matter what I said, what proof I presented, or what experiences I shared.
I’m reminded of this exchange as white liberals call for unity and compassion for the white people who voted for Trump. You can try to unify and be as compassionate as you want, but if their definition of the word “liberal” or “progressive” is “white-hating communist destroyer of morality” then you are simply wasting your time.
Yes, the liberal elites as represented by the Democratic party have done the rural and poor whites a disservice by ignoring them and making fun of them for the last, oh, 40+ years. These types of things will come back and bite you on the ass, which many of us socialists have been trying to tell you. I am not Micheal Moore’s biggest fan but in this analysis, he was dead on target.
But in fixing that particular problem, we need to understand that any feelings of unity being brought to the table are one sided and always have been. We need to hold all white people — poor and middle class alike — accountable for the racism and hate that led to Trump’s election win, despite the fact that they are coming to discussion feeling victimized. We need to remember that any role the liberal elite had in feeding into that sense of victimization is far less important than the blatant racism and hate that it has manifested.
Most importantly, we need to remember that whatever we say, they do not care.
Like my old boss clucking at me about feminism, they have their world order set to rights and they are happy with it.
So go knock on that door and have those conversations, but do not put your hopes into that path to unity. It should be nothing more than a fallback. The only viable option, the one we know will work, is to mobilize those who already lean our way and are perhaps feeling disenfranchised (disabled people, for instance) or hopeless (Millennials). We might be able to grab some white working class labor rights activists along the way if we really get our act together for a change.
I’m not saying that the discussion is completely pointless, but rather, we need to spend our constructive energy in having that discussion with people who are willing to listen.